A short story that I wrote here directly on Whatsapp. Purely imaginary, of course; just wanted to try writing in English and that too a short one - so an attempt. All characters and event references are imaginary, any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual firms, is purely coincidental.
How to miss a train for no reason
-Dilip Bhatt
Karen Blixen once said, "All sorrow can be borne if you put them into a story".
A vacation during high school is pretty different than all the vacations before. With no expectations of enjoyment, but just to while away the time, I accompanied my cousin Rajesh to Byndoor in the train. In fact, if I knew he was going to his aunty's town, maybe I never would have planned to visit his home and instead would have gone to another cousin's place or maybe stayed home during the holidays. It was the October vacation. But the train journey was a rare pleasure and just two of us guys of 12-14 yrs of age going independently made it feel like an adventure. We almost never slept the whole journey and we goofed around and stared relentlessly outside the windows watching the natural splendor, we never could see in our Bangalore. The entire climate was moist, making the landscape more vivid with the saturated colors of the contrast between the red mud and the green wet grass.
We traveled light with just a week's stay in mind. He had promised me a calm and serene uncle's home. The way to their home itself was a pleasure. I, being that young, had never met those relatives, but neither I nor my family was new to them. They welcomed me with a warm smile and a personal touch which I am yet to experience from anyone else in my 40 yrs of life. It was as if I was known to them and I could make myself at home in their home.
What I didn't know at all was about Namitha, their daughter. I was never big on knowing all the relatives anyway. So, when it so happened that by the time we reached their home by 11AM and I was just blending in, she came out of the showers, her hairs still all wet, least expecting to see a stranger (me) who had awkwardly dropped his jaws at her very sight. Almost in a comic reversal of the movie clip, she went back inside and I guess she asked her mother about who I was. 'Ye, joisru maga alene..' was all I could hear. Rajesh was already grinning at me and jumping his eyebrows. I almost said shut up, but did not. He hadn't uttered a word for me to say that.
We freshened up and started enjoying delicacies that I could never forget. Kotte kadubu, tondekayi palya anna, what not. Maybe they felt more tasteful to Rajesh because his aunt prepared it and they felt more tasteful to me because Namitha served it to me? While sitting and chatting, she came right next to me and sat, which... had never happened to me earlier. It was, for some reason, an obvious confusion to me. Either she also liked me or maybe I was reading a lot into it.
But the confusion cleared off the last day when I was about to leave. The 5-6 days had passed like minutes but even though it is not easy to re-live and retell about every moment, each one of those moments had unknowingly brought us closer. I even had the audacity to pluck a flower from their own garden that they had grown and give it to her the last day when we were about to leave. Imagine the guts. Maybe that is when my confusion dissolved when she had tears in her eyes and asked when we would meet again. Maybe the first time I had a knot in my throat too, preventing me to reply back to her. I had no clue when we could meet like this again. Those were not the days of the internet or smartphones. Obviously, both lacked the letter writing skills since we never wrote letters.
But, this was not the end.
Though I felt it was just a high school crush that must have faded away and we never met each other quite often (me not being a party-going guy - I sincerely skipped all family events and functions). Finished my degree, joined a company, and life went on. I was in US when I heard from my parents it was her marriage. The fact that I remember that, it was during June 2005, still hurts me. Why would I remember that timeframe of her marriage if nothing ever that happened between us? But hey, she was just a couple of years younger to me, this was bound to happen, she being a girl. I was dull for a few days but got myself together pretty soon.
But life surprises you in ways you never expect. After I came back and was searching for a match for myself, she happened to have come to Mandya, my home, obviously with her husband and all. I was emotionally intact and didn't feel any pull by then. They were visiting surroundings of Mandya and I was back from US searching for the match. Dad, being the dad, had created a folder full of profiles, about 20 of them that I was supposed to go through. As I went through, she sat beside me and my parents on that early morning going through them. I flipped through all of the twenty profiles and after a few minutes of deliberation, decided to return them all. None of them rang a bell in my heart. Dad got up and started preparing postages to send back the profiles as it is not fair to retain profiles of girls.
As my parents walked away, and I thought of the next steps, what next, matrimony sites - where can I find the one that my heart desires? Suddenly she put her hand on mine, held it tightly. I looked up to her to see the same wet eyes that I had seen long back. She said, 'let me go'. I suddenly understood what I was looking for. I also understood that she wasn't holding my hand, but I was holding on to her memories and thoughts. It was her, that my heart always subconsciously built up as my ideal match. And it was then that I realized I have missed it big time! I said, 'I didn't know it was going to be this hard'. She handed me a rose that she was holding since she came and sat there and said, 'It is just a flower. you can't expect to hold it forever'. I had the same knot in my throat, a deep and sharp sadness covered with velvet cloth. Nobody can see it from outside but the very loss of what could have been the best of the best, messed me up. She got up as her husband came down smiling and it was almost time that they started their trip and away they went off.
What could have been a great romantic novel, turned into a short story that has to be lived for the rest of the life. Now she is just a DP on Whatsapp that my mind makes me see once in a while. Maybe she does that too? Maybe. "All sorrow can be borne if you put them into a story". But a lot of buds don't even flower and get buried back in the soil under the same plant.
If I see two young people enjoying each other's company, but not yet ready to commit, I pray and wish they make that choice soon. Always better to board the train and take the journey together than repent missing the point altogether. If you miss the train, the entire journey will be different.